Deja Vu

Took out my dinner, all ready to watch "Wes Craven Presents: They" on TV, and began eating as I watched. Yummy crispy KFC thighs, not exactly as yummy as a woman's thigh, but you should be satisfied with what thighs life wraps around you.

Into the final 15 minutes of the movie (incidentally, this is aired on Mediacorp's Channel 5, Singapore's free to air channel), I took the chance to bless the porcelain with a little water spout during a commercial. (Ever wondered if the spouts you see at sea could be a giant pissing? And the sea you're swimming in, is really just a huge toilet? Oh wait, it is a huge toilet for many).

Coming back, anticipating a climactic end after watching one and a half hours of the movie, I thought life began to simulate the Matrix. Deja vu... the movie continued with a scene from the beginning of the movie. I was thinking, hmm, this could be one of those movies that shows you clues from the beginning before ending in a twist.

And twist it did. Bloody twisted too. The award winning Mediacock who owns Channel 5 did yet another first, and may yet win another award for this.

The movie went into commmercial break at the end of the timeslot and the next thing I knew, I was watching the next timeslot's lousy show.

Somebody had screwed up, or I believe screwing himself with porn and rewound the tape or something, while happily spanking his monkey.

All we got was a scrolling text later, saying that the movie will be screened again in its entirety on a later date, "due to technical difficulties". Guess the fella in charge had a difficult time getting it up.

It was utter pissdom for me, watching a movie only to get screwed over by the final scenes. And having to watch the movie again, just for the ending? I hope everyone at Mediacock gets a good lashing of words from someone. And perhaps a good intercourse with an abrupt end before climax.

Two Sides of the Gender Coin

Went for a movie after several requests with a female friend I know online. It wasn't really a show I wanted to watch, but she was bored and offered to fetch me home after, so not having anything much to do, I met up with her. Free movie, free ride home, what the hell, and she's quite a nice person to talk to anyway.

Its interesting when I think of how some of them have men clamouring for their attention, yet, being unavailable on my part, they ask me out instead.

I guess its mostly the perception that being unavailable, they will not be harrassed or stalked by unwanted attention. Admittedly not all supposed "unavailable" men are safe, but I'm rather pleased they think I am. I figure it stems from the fact that they're already happy with the man in their life and when the fella's away, they want some company without having to fear for certain advances by male friends?

Or perhaps just a woman who simply wants a male friend to come out, without having to make him come. *LOL*

Perhaps in the faceless and yet oddly over friendly connections online, people open up and chat about stuff they hardly say in real life, even to their closer friends. I know I do, at times.

On the one hand we have women who despise men who constantly only want to enunciate their libido online in the hopes of a real life situation, on the other, the same women get emboldened when they "meet" a guy who isn't. No complaints from me really, considering it is rather entertaining and fun, listening and teasing at times without the obligation to follow up.

Possibly the slight ego boosts resulting from these opposite gender chats make life seem less boring. But its nice to know platonic friends do exist between separate genders.

Warming the Globe

The world came together for 24 hours yesterday to warm the globe.

In response to a message to halt global warming in various ways, singers and all, grouped around in concert venues around the world, to entertain and "send a strong message" to the world. This was done before huge throngs of people around the world gathered together, who then responded to the message by leaving a huge mess of garbage at concert venues.

Even more people around the world, helped contribute to global warming too. Literally. And not in the way organisers would have probably realised. Millions and millions turned on their TVs longer than usual (together with their lights and other electricals) staying awake through the night, helping make electricity usage soar throughout the world. All our helpful Neros fiddling while Rome burned.

Did you play a part and help contribute?

Gardening In Your Fridge

Saw some dumbass advertisements on TV recently. Yes, I was bored, so I actually watched the ads in between some shows.

Amazing. Did you know Motorola has a phone out now that can actually fight AIDS in Africa? Wow. The technology takes my breath away. But probably only because I was muttering over how utterly dumb and irritating the ad was. I'd sure like to see anyone who has that phone show me how the phone can actually fight AIDS. Come on, place it on the table, hold it, whatever. Lets see it in action, baby. Can't wait to see how it does what they say it does. Could it be some kind of new "Transformer" that can transform into a little robot and fly to Africa as "Captain AIDS"? Oh wait, its not doing anything is it? Don't tell me a percentage or whatever profit goes to a fund to fight AIDS. Thats not what the ad said.

You know, my mobile can prevent AIDS and STDs. Hell yeah (I can call some asswipe who frequents hookers and advise him on the probabilities of catching AIDS or some other fuck disease).

Reminds me of a Miss Singapore contestant some time back, who said her mobile phone can send out radiation to all her friends. Maybe Motorola discovered a way to send radiation directly to AIDS patients in Africa to help treat the disease.

Another ad had this local celebrity couple and family selling refrigerators. The cute daughter actually asks a very good question for a kid, "Why are the vegetables so green?".

Guess what the clever dad tells the kid? "Because of the sun!" Yeah yeah, so he goes on to say, it stimulates photosynthesis. Dumbass. Didn't they hear the question right? The question was, "Why are the vegetables so GREEN?" not "How do the vegetables grow?". Chlorophyll makes the plant green. Go read up on the sun or photosynthesis, idiots. Its amazing that they can't even act smart. Soon they'll think the sun can stimulate their brain cells.

Even better, mother goes one step further and teaches the kid that its just like their fridge! Which apparently has a simulated miniature sun inside. Imagine the technology here. Sun in fridge. Makes you realise there could also be a black hole where their brains should be. And the look of motherly pride as she glows when the daughter says they can grow vegetables in their fridge, priceless. These people need to refrigerate their brains (shouldn't take much space in the freezer) till a cure for stupidity can be found.

One thing tho', I'd love to see the kid put that answer in her test papers in school. Well, at least you don't need to be smart to be an actor. Or sell refrigerators. Or mobile phones.

Oral Legalities

Just heard incredibly good news that oral sex will actually be officially legalised in Singapore. It used to be illegal, and then revised unofficially in court to allow it only if normal sexual intercourse followed oral consumption. No longer will men be able to say "Hey, I need to stick it to you now, legally I'm obliged to do so, or I'd be breaking the law.".

Oh wait. I just realised something. Even if its legal, I'm still gonna get squat, nada, nothing. Aw damn. Screw the law and its proposed changes, they can go suck it... well legally.

True Signs

I generally tell anyone who believes in horoscopes that they must have cancer in their pisces or their libra is too tight. But once a while, some truth emerges.

Go on, read it and discover yourself. Of course this generally only applies to people who actually have at least some kind of remote belief in the zodiac and those who read the daily horoscopes.

Trail of Evidence

Walking along the wondrous sea,
The waters wave their crashing hands.
I move towards their endless beauty,
And leave naught but footprints in the sands.

Umm...

Ok, maybe more. :P

Bird Brains

Been seeing that advertisement where Richard Gere appears, reprising the role of the supposedly bloody rich and horny man who paid for sex with a prostitute and then rather stupidly fell in love with the tramp. This time he looks like a paedophile, eyeing some underaged girl in India.

They should have some more realistic dialogue for the ad.

Indian guide: "If you release the birds, you get good luck. The more birds, more good luck."

Horny rich man: (Thinking "Hell yeah, whenever I get to release my bird, its pretty lucky for me too.")

Horny rich man: "Did you tie that turban too tight? Then who're the assholes who caught the birds and caged them in the first place? Won't they get a shit load of bad luck?"

Indian guide: "Oh, they don't really believe in luck sir, they believe in people with good money. Especially dumb tourists who have Visa cards."

Horny rich man: "Hey, I have one of those cards, lets buy all the birds for that sweet (ooh yeah) little girl and release them for her (I could get lucky)."

Bird sellers (making discreet phone calls): "Are you sure those pigeons have been trained to fly back to the market after they are released? Yes? Yes excellent, sell him the birds."

[cut to next scene, after releasing birds] Pedophile (whose white hair is now oddly tinged in a brownish hue) and little girl playing and splashing water while soaking in the Ganges.

[cut to next scene] Bird sellers still holding onto the Visa card.

One asks: "Now what?"

Another answers: "You idiot son of unknown numbers of malnourished men, I told you we should have applied for the credit card slider thingie."

Yet another mumbles: "Well, at least the birds came back ..."

[and cut]

Head Stoned

It hasn't been a good day. Halfway through a meeting with colleagues at Macs, my brains felt like rocks were beginning to form inside what little grey cells I currently have left. Must've been the screaming school kids that suddenly filled up the mall even as we were trying to talk business. Bloody schools should lock them up till dusk, before handing them back to their parents who should lock them up till morning before sending them to school.

Hadn't had a migraine attack for a long time now, and its sudden return felt like James Gomez being fed his minority forms up the ass by "well-loved" minister Wong (who) can't sing. Not particularly nice. (Editor's note: "well-loved" is used loosely here, perhaps similar to the love felt for huge hemorrhoids).

It felt like going through hell just to get home. I immediately popped 2 'panadol extras', and stripped myself as I headed towards the showers which I hoped would help clear my head's sudden decision to inflict some pain into my wonderfully monotonous life. Yup, if you picture me stripping right now, you might personally capture the gagging nausea I felt as I hit the showers.

I must've sat in the bathtub under the shower spray, for quite a long while. Was kind hoping for a cool spray, but of course the wonderful hot sun over Singapore seems to get its jollies by boiling the water tank above my HDB flat every afternoon. After I felt a little better, I towelled off and went to bed hoping to get some sleep. If you can picture me bummed out nude in bed, you might again fairly understand the mind-numbing nausea that still lingered, even as you try to control your own gag reflex.

Went off to pop another couple of 'panadol extras' before I finally managed to reach dreamland, where immense pleasurable possibilities exist. But of course, these possibilities usually hide away the moment they see me nearing dreamland's MRT station. Truly a reflection of reality. Positively cruel to know its there and yet unable to get some.

And now some hours later, I feel no pain. Its like my body has developed soft unfeeling heavy putty which covers me from head to toe.

I was just thinking how incredibly ironic that I could get no head, but I get headaches. Then the optimistic voice whispers in my incredibly stoned mind that things are getting better. The last time, I got laid up with a slipped disc, instead of just plainly getting laid.

Stoned Youth

As usual, my mind dreams up wonderfully idiotic stuff when I'm bored. This might happen anytime, but its happening right now. Guess thats better than some people indulging in what would be a short game of two-ball billiards with their sad little cues.

Beer would seem to make a person fat. And fat helps smoothen out wrinkles. It would thus appear that the more beer you drink, the younger you would appear to be. So drink up, you old farts!

Sadly, you'd hardly get any quality nookie looking like a young fat drunkard. Payoff's a bitch. And usually one helluva fat bitch too.