True Happiness

Have you heard of the 17th-century theologian Samuel Rutherford? Perhaps it’s time to resurrect his faith-inspiring memory.

Rutherford, a member of the council that wrote the Westminster Confession, was imprisoned because of his beliefs. While in prison, he wrote this soul-strengthening letter expressing the joy that sustained him through his trials: “If God had told me some time ago that He was about to make me as happy as I could be in this world, and then had told me that He should begin by crippling me in all my limbs, and removing me from all my usual sources of enjoyment, I should have thought it a very strange mode of accomplishing His purpose. And yet, how is His wisdom manifest even in this! For if you should see a man shut up in a closed room, idolizing a set of lamps and rejoicing in their light, and you wished to make him truly happy, you would begin by blowing out all his lamps; and then throw open the shutters to let in the light of heaven.”

When the candles that light up our darkness are blown out, let’s rejoice that God is throwing open shuttered windows and pouring in the sunshine of His love.

Pitch Black

And then the ray of light fades.
I fall, kicking and flailing,
clinging on to illusions
and holding onto nothing.

Never place your hopes on anyone. For they can and will drop you along with all the empty words once spoken into the void, leaving hollow sights and sounds in old familiar places.

Darkness

This will without a doubt be the darkest day in my life yet. And I wonder how much darker it can get, while I suspect it will likely soon turn pitch black.

I hope that ray of light will never turn dark on me too. For I know not why I would find life livable anymore.

Motivational Antonyms

I used to find these (among others) really funny.







I'm told when life gives you lemons, you make lemon juice. Only thing is, I'm beginning to suspect I've been handed rotten lemons that were left in the sun a little too long. Oh how I love my life now.

It makes me look forward to its end.

Shut Down Day

Its an amazing idea. Techies and all to shut down or unplug themselves from their computers and technology for today. Go get connected with your non-virtual life again! I love this idea, in fact I wish they could make it a monthly or weekly event.

As you can tell, I'm using this day to come online, taking advantage of the hopeful faster surfing speeds due to lower traffic, while others sit at home watching paint dry. Seriously, I have no life, so thats what I'd be doing if I actually shut myself off from technology.

Imagining myself a day without internet access. I'd be lost. And if I had to turn off the TV too, I'd fucking go mad. Just thinking if I also had to keep away from the listening to music on my player as well, would probably make me really unplug the wires and wring them around my own neck.

Can u imagine the geeks of the world suddenly abandoning their technological devices and virtual lives? It could quite possibly lead to a massive surge of aimless zombies roaming the streets. And zoned out faces at cafes, staring into coffeecups to seek out new life, new civilisations, and boldly go where no geek has gone before, without his notebook or PDA.

Some, or perhaps many, may tell me to go get a hobby. Well, my hobby is going online and playing games etc. Get another non-virtual, non-technological hobby, they'd probably say. So lets think, what could I really do anyway?

Sports? I don't even like playing sports on the computer. Why would I enjoy the real thing? Besides, I have a bad back and thus severely limiting my options to wading in shallow waters and fishing for prawns. Not really my cuppa tea.

Gathering with the family and friends perhaps? This genuinely sounds good. Because it is. But that won't use up the entire day. A few hours perhaps, before most of us get tired of yakking away about recent events and old funny moments during childhood, such as theone where we peed into our uncles' and aunts' shoes during weekend gatherings. And soon, everyone will be wondering when this pisshead is going to leave. So really, we still have lots of time to spend even with this option.

Perhaps I could spend my time reading. After all, I used to read books voraciously. As I looked at the mouldy tomes on my shelves, I realised I hadn't bought a book in years. Yes, I get most of my stuff online now, even novels. Perhaps a newspaper? Hmm, even if I read the entire thing, including combing through every classifieds advertisement, it wouldn't take me over an hour. Nuts.

Hey wait, some nutjob at the back of my mind whispered "sex". Cool, now this would actually be something I could spend the entire day and night on. Mmm, imagine the cuddles, snuggling and playful touches. The passionate kissing and much more. Mmm, yes, if I had someone now who'd bring my day to such a wonderful repose. That would really... sigh, I feel depressed now.

Hmm, perhaps I should go for a holiday. I never really get the urge to go online etc. when I'm on holiday. Great! I've decided. I'll take a holiday... someday. And I shall obvserve my personal Shut Down Day then. Meanwhile, I'm going back to that online game. I hope I get to login, as its a Saturday today and thus probably jam packed with no lifers like me.

Happy Families

It is now official. May 24 has been named Family Day Out and it will be an annual affair. Parents can now rejoice knowing that they can bring the family out in one massive national campaign once every year, to jostle with other families everywhere in Singapore.

I'm almost certain everone will be so happy to be mingling with the throngs of families, enjoying the sweet sounds of crying babies and incessantly noisy children. Not forgetting the nice slow pace everyone can look forward to as the elderly join in the fray. Sounds fun. The prospects of queuing for toilets in public attractions should prove overwhelmingly attractive for families out to enjoy themselvestoo.

Of course we can also look forward to restaurants and various other businesses to eventually help promote this heart warming day with new promotions at inflated prices, as this new potential public holiday gets popular.

Fathers can now assure their children than they can look forward to a nice day out every year, thus ensuring them of other more mundane activities like nights out with the boys, and working overtime. And children in Singapore can boast of how their parents will take them out next year, after May 24.

Personally, I bring all my children everywhere I go. It helps that they all fit snugly within my testicles. I figure many of them are probably mature enough to have their own children, but I guess they found no reason to leave their comfort zone.

When The Wind Feels Like The Devil's Fart

It was yet another amazing day.

I just had to make sure I got this down so my grandchildren can read it some day. Assuming one of their parents ever find their way out of my balls.

Besides, I had nothing better to do.

Woke up to find an old friend who has come back from a long holiday. I wouldn't probably call it a friend, but it seems intent on making close contact with me. Good ol' Mr. Migraine. A real bastard. Felt like my both halves of my brains decided to do a 69. And it sure didn't feel good one bit.

Its times like these that you wish the advertisements for Panadol were 100% accurate. I decided the doc was probably able to do something about it at least, but after the arduous journey to the next block where he does business, I find the clinic filled with people. It was an epidemic. It was Monday. Bloody malingerers. I was once one of them, till I stopped working that is.

Anyway, looking at the number of people, I decided going home to rest was a better choice and so I took a slow trek back to the squarish cave on the rectangular mountain I call home.

Boredom and depression, doesn't mix well with headaches. Playing games didn't give me the kind of satisfaction I needed. But it was tolerable, I've not found real satisfaction for a pretty long time anyway. Haha... Damn, even laughing feels like piercing my skull with a bamboo pole.

Maybe I'll pay a visit to my good friend, Mr Whiskey later. He's nice.

Good to be bad, bad to be good?

Men with largely uncontrolled libidos, playing the field with no qualms, seem to have it all. All the pleasures of life (as some would call it) and the lack of baggage on their backs. Of course, we all know someone or many like these. And to be fair, women have their fair share of similarly wild oat sowers. Or rather they let many oat sowers plow their field. We don't really like them, for what they do. Accuse them, they won't care and thus wouldn't bother anyway. Or are we just envious we have not chosen or been able to choose to live the way they do?

Men with largely controlled libidos, playing the game of remaining as good as they can possibly be, seem to have it shoved up their chaste asses. Consider the hen-pecked husband. The obedient sucker boyfriend. And perhaps all those in between. All the heartaches and pain in trying to appease the unappeaseable, with largely no benefits, except perhaps the joy of knowing true love (and pain), and the physical joys of a monk with blue balls, at the mercy of a companion's whims. The pain and feelings of idiocy infinitely soars, when they realise their efforts are largely small in the eyes of others, when inescapable suspicion and its cousins creep into their lives.

Sometimes, I wonder. Is there a point to being nice? Sometimes while sitting on a dry bed of thorns, the grass indeed looks greener on the playing field.

Sometimes I have no idea what I'm writing about. And this appears to perhaps be one of those times.

Definition of Pain

pain (arch.)

punishment, penalty (now only in phr.);
suffering; †trouble, difficulty XIII; (pl.)
trouble taken in doing something XVI (earlier sg. do one's p., etc.).
ME. peine, paine — (O)F. peine :— L. pœna penalty, punishment, (later) pain, grief — Gr. (Dorian) poinā́, (Attic) poinḗ expiation, ransom, punishment, rel. to OSl. cěna price.
Av. kaēnā- punishment, Skr. cáyate avenge, punish.Hence painful hurtful; †laborious. XIV.

© The Concise Oxford Dictionary of English Etymology 1996, originally published by Oxford University Press 1996.


Oxford says it all. If only they provided information on how to end it. Someone mentioned its called a bullet.

But the only way to get one in Singapore is to sign up as an idiot working under other career idiots (who wouldn't survive long in a real war) with self hyped ranks earned from deskjobs and colourful reports of bravery while dressing a wound for an old lady during a peace mission to a foreign country.

Bloody pain. Pain sucks ass. Especially the kind you can never see or mend with medicine or bandage.

Bowels of Life

It's been an amazing journey. The kinda amazement one gets when you step on a slippery turd and fall headfirst onto the toilet bowl, cracking the porcelain and lying there unconscious while shit drenches your comatose body.

One might think that falling into a dark pithole of life, resembling the very bowels of reality, you'd have reached rock bottom and the only way is up. Except the footholds you discover as you try to climb back up are really either illusions or they simply crumble at your every touch.

So you fall back, onto what you thought was the cold hard bottom. Only to discover its not as hard as you may have thought, as it gives way and you fall through it. Down further yet, making new explorative discoveries that beneath the pit holes of life, is it's sewer system.

I wonder, is the only way out, the light ahead, not what I think it could be? Sigh.