Monday, September 21, 2009

Waves of Oblivion

The huge waves at the foreign beach have always been, and still are an irresistible draw to my every sense. The feel of the ocean’s power and the relative safety of its surf and so much more, makes me want to return every year, whenever I can.

A single look at its beauty, pulls at my every fibre. Drawing me towards its embrace.

Perhaps it was only eventual that I discovered the other side of its siren call. Bliss and pure thrill, turned into an everlasting moment of non-realisation that I could have drowned and be with my beloved sea. Forever.

The low tides, brought upon a tremendously strong rip current, which I normally never had a real problem with. Swimming against the current, and trying to swim with the waves had totally exhausted me out, but I just kept going and eventually reached a friend who managed to pull me closer to shore.

I never thought I might have died, nor was I overly concerned, except that my mind seem singularly focused on swimming back to shore, to life. That perhaps I might hold you again.

I could have probably died. But I am alive.

You draw me irresistibly whenever I see you, as little as it may be now. You have a new life now. Perhaps an ocean away from my dead pond. And I can feel the chasm you have put between us even when you are near. Perhaps I am a fool. Perhaps I am human. And perhaps, I am just caught in the waves again.

I am happy to watch the waves from afar. Perhaps I shall return to the waves soon, when I can. I am unable to tolerate this cold cave and this life if I had not a hope to see the beautiful ocean once more.

But this time, I no longer have a reason to swim back to shore. Perhaps the waves can bring me away, someday.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009

A Little Bird Told Me ...

Sometimes, just sometimes,
something happens.
Something that makes u smile
and forget about what you could never seem to forget.

At least, for a little while.

As always, I was just going through the now humdrum road of life, waiting to step into the pothole of death. My stomach commandeered my body and made me cook some porridge for lunch. As I was bringing the steaming hot bowl of porridge to eat at the table, something flew around my head. First reaction was to duck and wonder, "WTF! How the hell did a cockroach grow that big?!". It was fluttering all around my shoulders and back of my neck, and I was surprised I didn't drop the bowl of porridge, while doing my startling "avoid the big bug attacking my head" kung fu technique.

Then it flew away for a while and stood on the window sill. It was a bird. A cute little dark yellow bird (of which species, I do not know), which looked like a pet someone may have kept. I put the bowl down, and again it flew to me, and this time I stood still and watched as it landed on my shoulder and just stood there. I felt like a sissy pirate.

I thought I'd lead it to the window and let it fly away, but it didn't. It flew to me wherever I went. Perching on my hand, my arms and my shoulders whenever it got close to me. It was just too adorable. I took a small tray of water and placed it at the table, and it went ahead to take a drink and even bathed and splshed around in it for a while. Then I cooked a spoonful of rice and fed it on another tray. Placing the small tray of rice on the table as well, I put some grains into my palm. Amazingly, it flew onto my hand instead of the tray. After feeding it for some time, I went about my own business and it followed me into every room I went. It was just a really nice feeling again to feel "wanted". Haha.

Then I decided to sit down and just spend some time with it. Sadly (and ironically), it then decided to fly away. In the space of an hour, it came, cheered me up and then, it was gone.

Its pretty amazing how a little bird can brighten a day, even for a short moment in time. But its something I can learn to keep in my mind and cherish, I guess.

Perhaps God wanted me to smile again. Thank you my Lord. And perhaps also to remind me, that nothing in this world can truly give me any longlasting or everlasting joy. To remind me that I was just being a fool. Perhaps it was a fool who smiled today, even for a little while. But it was something. A little nugget of gold, along this putrid road of life.

Nobody stays, they all leave, in the end. And most likely even way before the end. But still, I will remember it, and also thank the Lord that He gave me something.