Waves of Oblivion

The huge waves at the foreign beach have always been, and still are an irresistible draw to my every sense. The feel of the ocean’s power and the relative safety of its surf and so much more, makes me want to return every year, whenever I can.

A single look at its beauty, pulls at my every fibre. Drawing me towards its embrace.

Perhaps it was only eventual that I discovered the other side of its siren call. Bliss and pure thrill, turned into an everlasting moment of non-realisation that I could have drowned and be with my beloved sea. Forever.

The low tides, brought upon a tremendously strong rip current, which I normally never had a real problem with. Swimming against the current, and trying to swim with the waves had totally exhausted me out, but I just kept going and eventually reached a friend who managed to pull me closer to shore.

I never thought I might have died, nor was I overly concerned, except that my mind seem singularly focused on swimming back to shore, to life. That perhaps I might hold you again.

I could have probably died. But I am alive.

You draw me irresistibly whenever I see you, as little as it may be now. You have a new life now. Perhaps an ocean away from my dead pond. And I can feel the chasm you have put between us even when you are near. Perhaps I am a fool. Perhaps I am human. And perhaps, I am just caught in the waves again.

I am happy to watch the waves from afar. Perhaps I shall return to the waves soon, when I can. I am unable to tolerate this cold cave and this life if I had not a hope to see the beautiful ocean once more.

But this time, I no longer have a reason to swim back to shore. Perhaps the waves can bring me away, someday.

A Little Bird Told Me ...

Sometimes, just sometimes,
something happens.
Something that makes u smile
and forget about what you could never seem to forget.

At least, for a little while.

As always, I was just going through the now humdrum road of life, waiting to step into the pothole of death. My stomach commandeered my body and made me cook some porridge for lunch. As I was bringing the steaming hot bowl of porridge to eat at the table, something flew around my head. First reaction was to duck and wonder, "WTF! How the hell did a cockroach grow that big?!". It was fluttering all around my shoulders and back of my neck, and I was surprised I didn't drop the bowl of porridge, while doing my startling "avoid the big bug attacking my head" kung fu technique.

Then it flew away for a while and stood on the window sill. It was a bird. A cute little dark yellow bird (of which species, I do not know), which looked like a pet someone may have kept. I put the bowl down, and again it flew to me, and this time I stood still and watched as it landed on my shoulder and just stood there. I felt like a sissy pirate.

I thought I'd lead it to the window and let it fly away, but it didn't. It flew to me wherever I went. Perching on my hand, my arms and my shoulders whenever it got close to me. It was just too adorable. I took a small tray of water and placed it at the table, and it went ahead to take a drink and even bathed and splshed around in it for a while. Then I cooked a spoonful of rice and fed it on another tray. Placing the small tray of rice on the table as well, I put some grains into my palm. Amazingly, it flew onto my hand instead of the tray. After feeding it for some time, I went about my own business and it followed me into every room I went. It was just a really nice feeling again to feel "wanted". Haha.

Then I decided to sit down and just spend some time with it. Sadly (and ironically), it then decided to fly away. In the space of an hour, it came, cheered me up and then, it was gone.

Its pretty amazing how a little bird can brighten a day, even for a short moment in time. But its something I can learn to keep in my mind and cherish, I guess.

Perhaps God wanted me to smile again. Thank you my Lord. And perhaps also to remind me, that nothing in this world can truly give me any longlasting or everlasting joy. To remind me that I was just being a fool. Perhaps it was a fool who smiled today, even for a little while. But it was something. A little nugget of gold, along this putrid road of life.

Nobody stays, they all leave, in the end. And most likely even way before the end. But still, I will remember it, and also thank the Lord that He gave me something.

Anything.

Everything.

Losing Everything

Silence with glowing hatred
With that I bled
Refusing to go through with it again
Can't do anything but remain.

Everything is always against my will
Wanting promises to fulfill
Having no shred of hope
Knowing I could never cope

Nothing worth fighting for
Wouldn't eat anymore
Losing my self esteem
along with my happy dream

Faces in the mirror
Wishing it to be clearer
After all, I'm nothing
from losing everything

- Grace Angelia

Tainted Soul

A pain and anguish within,
Hidden deep inside.
None but few would know
of its stain marking my life.

Like a wound so deep,
It wrenches and writhes.
Like nothing I have felt,
Unendingly draining as I live.

Time and prayer helps it heal.
Perhaps. I prayed. Someday.

Cutting in precision,
Jabbing in deliberation.
You rip at my pain
With a heart aching intention.

My agony inflamed,
It festers and bleeds.
Never shall I blame,
Yet no longer can I be healed.

AWARE Wasn't Aware

Its amazing how something can be blown so far out people’s asses, that it hits the faces of everyone and raises a stink best kept private. But a recent non-issue became so widely reported everywhere in Singapore that it sticks out like a turd unwilling to leave the anus.

So much has already been written on the “takeover” of AWARE, a feminist organization which claims to be champions for women’s rights. I have no wish to say anything about their usefulness or redundancy, relevance or otherwise. And I won’t need to make any comments over the outcry over a legal change in leadership. All I can say is they left their asses wide open to get shafted.

Why am I using so many analogies to buttocks? Well, this issue is apparently very important to butt pounders (and perhaps their female counterparts). Or did I hear someone say turd burglar? Though frankly, in Singapore, I believe lesbians have no law to really worry about, in the indulgence of their lifestyle.

Personally, I have no issues with gays. Though I am pissed that they should have stolen a happy, bright and lively word and made it gay.

Without going into my own spiritual beliefs, I do not go around provoking people living a lifestyle which I may or may not approve. People can slice their dicks for all I know or care in the privacy of their own homes, as long as they do not bother me or others that remain blissfully unaware.

Homosexuals love to decry anyone who disagrees with their lifestyle. Moaning like bitches as if someone shoved something up their proverbial butts. Though I think they might actually enjoy it. I say, if you open up your butthole in public, it’s not surprising if someone comes along and kicks your ass.

Tolerance means you tolerate. It doesn’t mean absolute acceptance or having to welcome or like it. If someone farts in the elevator, it may be something that cannot be helped or averted, and so we tolerate it. It doesn’t mean we have to like it and start encouraging a “farting in elevators” lifestyle.

Nobody bothered much about the homosexual issue, and despite it being against the law in Singapore, we don’t see gays being rounded up in prisons. Try living in Saudi Arabia or some middle eastern country and see what they'll do to you if they even suspect you're gay (and I don't mean happy). Why don't you pack your butts and try protesting for your rights there? Or are you only brave enough to fight where the field is filled with people who are actually tolerant?

Homosexuals are spearheading a movement for their ‘legal’ rights wherever they can with their bullhorns. Not that nobody knows who they are or that anyone started a homo war, but they wanted legal rights such as “marriage” between people of the same gender.

There you go, another attempt to hijack a perfectly good word and concept for their own. Isn’t it obvious that people who do not agree will speak out as well? If only to preserve their beliefs and principles? Homosexuals seem to think they have a monopoly on “rights”. What about the rights of others to keep and hold on to their beliefs? If it is a “right” to believe that homosexuality is normal, why is it then not a “right” for others to believe it is wrong?

Infringements into areas previously not meant to be touched, seem to be a favourite activity for homosexuals.

Many use the term “human rights” like it was some kind of mantra. Lets be honest here, human rights constantly change according to society over time. And it isn't always what I would term as progress.

I can only imagine. Lets open the floodgates then. Sure, make homosexuality a legal norm now. While it was once considered something else in the past, sure lets say its perfectly fine now. After all, they were “born that way”, a “lifestyle choice” and etc. Well, lets remember that there are still many other “alternative” lifestyles considered taboo now and many of which would even disgust our homosexual “human rights” mantra chanters.

Once upon a time, it was normal for a penis to penetrate only a vagina, as my biology class would tell me. Then it became seemingly normal to penetrate assholes (pun? Who cares?) as well. What’s next, sex with animals? It is possible you know. After all, they can claim they were born to love an ape, a cow, horse, sheep or a dead chicken. Get "scientific" studies to publish journals on the normality of sucking a donkey's cock etc. The same arguments used by the homosexuals can also be used by these animal fuckers. And then after that? What if pedophiles began fighting for their “rights” too?

Give me a break. You have your views, I have mine, and others have theirs. If you want to throw shit at people with disagreeable opinions, then expect the same shit to get shoved back into your experienced ass. Try to take over somebody's turf? Then don't act all pissed when yours get invaded too.

If homosexuals and their stalwarts want to preach human rights and tolerance, I would strongly suggest they remember it goes both ways (though personally preferably not up the butt). It takes two hands to clap, not two “swords”. Don't talk smack about disagreeable people who speak out against your beliefs, when you can't shut the fuck up about them as well. Its like complaining about someone farting in the next stall while you are taking a dump in a toilet.

And since the “old guard” of AWARE reportedly states that they do not discriminate, then why seemingly discriminate against women who believe purely in a traditional marriage and family values? Are the homosexuals the only ones allowed to preach? While they figure support for lesbians would be a part of their cause for women, I guess they somehow forgot that the women who disagree with promotion and support for homosexuality, are women too. Tsk.

I am mostly fine with gays and lesbians. I have friends who are just that. I like most of them personally even if I may not be comfortable with their lifestyles, but we know our boundaries. It’s only when I get propositioned by gays when it’s so obvious I am not, or even when I blatantly say I am not interested, that it opens a door to utter irritation (an understatement). And let’s just say it’s not an infrequent occurrence.

I tolerate it. To say the least.

So please keep away from our traditions and beliefs, and quit waving and poking around where you’re not supposed to, and we’ll refrain from shoving it back into your ass. And not in a way you are accustomed too.

Great Expectations... & Pompous Assumptions

Social stratification and the determination by certain elitists to hang on to their presumptuous station in life is as always, ever so prevalent.

Witness the troubles of the beautiful and friendly Thais which began several years ago, and you'll see an excellent example of elitist hypocritical snobs determined to claw on to a very shaky precipice of power and wealth. In the rise of a previously sufferable obedient majority, its pretty obvious things are going to get worse, especially when the old elitist guard sees no benefits in majority rule. So much for democracy huh?

The current unelected leaders' promise and actions in reconciliation efforts would seem to be only applicable if they remained in power.

I love Thailand and its people for the times I’ve spent there vacationing. And I sincerely hope to see a resolution, which I think should ultimately be left to themselves.

But that’s not what I am really going to say. I just needed to set the stage for certain leaders of our own country, Singapore. I keep wondering if a similar situation might occur here, and the way things are going in this materialistic and hedonistic attitudes found in many of our own self proclaimed ‘elite’, I suppose it’s only a matter of time.

Just listen to them. And read between the gilded lines.

Reportedly, George Yeo lamented (or blogged) about the sad conditions of the current situation in Thailand. The interesting part I read that shone out like a like the headlights of oncoming garbage truck (and most certainly smelled that way) can be found in the following paragraph quoted from his blog. Go search for it, if you must. I don’t see why I should provide a link to such pomposity.

“PM (Lee Hsien Loong) was told by the Thai Government that he and the Singapore delegation should evacuate by sea, to be ferried by small boats to a nearby LST which would take us to Sattahip naval base. From there we could drive to U-Tapao. It all seemed quite unseemly to me that leaders and ministers had to leave in this way. But anyway we packed our belongings and waited for instructions since the Thais were responsible for our security. Happily we were informed around 3.30pm that the demonstrators had dispersed and we could travel by road to U-Tapao with full dignity.”

Even in an supposed emergency evacuation, he was concerned with his ‘dignity’ as if his tenure and status was some God-given right and privilege. I cannot even find the words now to convey certain feelings and thoughts swimming in my mind.

If I were in-charge of evacuation and faced with this man, I would show him a very dignified finger (I didn't say which one, so feel free to assume and I can feel free to agree or deny) and make him sit with the cargo, behind the pets and animals (which would probably be more appreciative in being brought to safety in any manner whatsoever).

And this is probably the true face of our ‘leaders’, behind their friendly (keep voting for me so I can be what I am and continue to enjoy what I have) smiles.

General trivia for the day;

The magnificent Rafflesia Flower is a wonder to behold, until you smell it. Reportedly, it smells like a corpse and attracts carrion flies for pollination. It is also a parasitic plant without any leaves, stems and roots. It has only nutrient-absorbing threads to absorb nutrients from the host on which it lives.

April. Fools. Everywhere.

I wasn’t entirely bothered by today being yet another major non-event “celebrated” by people from all over. Yes, April Fools’ Day, another day that is nearly on par with Valentine’s Day.

You either hate it, or love it. Or if you’re like me, you don’t really give a fuck or remember. Until several people I know started having their jollies at another person’s expense. Someone I know played an “I’m back in town, let’s get together ‘prank’” on her friends. I wonder how excited they’d behave when it really happens. Hahaa. People don’t like to be fooled twice.

And if you are within my circle of friends, you’d have a friend’s birthday today. Which makes me wonder about the countless jokes his parents, doctors and nurses could’ve been playing that very day he was born.

Some brave souls may want to try going down to their neighbourhood provision shop (grocery shop, for you foreign readers). Order lotsa shit, make’em carry several bags of rice for you to the cashier, bundle several loose items together etc. And when its time to pay, just laugh and shout “April Fool!”.

There’re always better uses for each situation. Why not make use of the day? Are you feeling lonely? Or just plain curious? Or maybe you’re a horny goat with blue balls? Ever wondered if that lady friend of yours had a secret desire to shag you? Or perhaps just a minor “ok, I don’t mind him humping me if I had no one else when I’m high and horny” demeanor?

Ask them today. If the answer is not positive, it’s an April Fools’ prank. If it is, well, I’m sure you know what to do.

And ladies, of course, fear not, especially if you’re reading this. After all, you could take this joke further. You could even stretch the positivity in this situation even longer. Leading him on all the way, making him strip himself. And then shouting “April Fool” at his soon-to-be rapidly diminishing manhood.

I’m staying home during this day of festive idiocy.

Oh wait, I’ll play a little prank on my sofa later, I’ll tell it I’m not going to be sitting on it today. And then sit anyway. Yeah, lame. That’s what I think of April and fools.

Lights Off For Earth?

I’ve been seeing lots of people pushing for Earth Hour, Earth Day, Save The Earth etc. lately, due to the approach of Earth Hour 2009. If you haven’t got a clue, Google is a good place to start.

Most seem intent on spreading a fastidious message in getting anyone and everyone to switch off their lights, be it in their homes or offices on a particular day, at a particular hour.

Personally, I find it perhaps at best symbolic but utterly useless and ineffectual otherwise. Why just the lights? Why not more? If they’re so into using less energy, they should know electric lights in our homes aren’t really the energy guzzlers. And this is just going to give most people a little impression of “oh I feel so good I’m helping to save the earth”, before they go back to being part of the problem. Driving around in a gas guzzler with a bumper sticker to say “Save the Earth” or putting a tag in Facebook makes people feel good. But it’s as helpful as taking a picture of you giving canned sardines to some homeless dude, and walking away after that, thinking you have made an impact on his life.

Let’s just look at Singapore, since different countries may have different extreme energy usage. The villages in certain regions wouldn’t be bathed in electrical lighting anyway, besides various factors and locations.

Imagine looking at Singapore with the lights in the buildings switched off for an hour. Of course HDB flats would still have corridor lights to provide a little consolation. Others may not be so lucky, and it could turn out to be a great time for burglars and other miscellaneous criminals to have a field day or hour. *LOL*

It looks good probably on the outside. But I can imagine the very same people who were made aware of this movement (mostly via the internet), still sitting at their PCs. Guess how much energy the PC uses, compared to that light on the ceiling? Others are probably watching TV. Perhaps the lucky ones will be fucking in the dark for an hour, and probably in a room cooled by another energy guzzler, the air-conditioner. Maybe a bunch of friends or family will be sitting around for an hour in the dark amidst candles having a nice time. And most likely, drinking cold beer or drinks, straight from the (energy guzzling) refrigerator?

How about we tell Mediacorp or Starhub and their ilk to stop broadcasting? That should stop people from watching television for an hour. Then again, someone may get the bright idea that they can watch a DVD anyway.

Or hey, how about we get the Singtel, Starhub and every other ISP or IAP to cut off access to the internet? I imagine some people will still be playing single player games, or working on some office shit they brought home, to save energy in the office.

Hmm, how about we start promoting preserving our foodstuff with salt, or perhaps a huge trough of earth to bury our food? That should save lots from those energy draining refrigerators. But do it wrong and lots of people will be driving energy guzzling cars to the hospital.

Just a few suggestions I guess, and way more useful in saving energy too, but still ultimately impractical.

Don’t ask me for solutions, people are paid to do that (I'm not, so I'll whine for free), and I think they should come up with better ideas. The amount of money spent on these ideas and their promotion thereafter, is just a staggering waste, in my humble and inconsequential opinion.

Fossil fuels (and deforestation) are the driving forces that are leading to global warming. At the same time enriching oil countries and their leeches in the form of multinational companies, with finances and resources that are probably mostly used for more research into how they can continue destroying the earth, be it on a mass scale like the destruction of earth’s environment behind a friendly face, play political games or funding suicide bombers (oh don’t deny me the joy of exposing a little nugget of truth). Ever wonder why many of the countries with the most oil, also have only hot arid deserts as a natural landscape?

People are going to continue with their lifestyles, and even a small change in saving energy isn’t going to solve the problem. At all.

How about spending those massive funds on research and harnessing solar energy? I’m sure current research can do with that money. Expensive perhaps, but isn’t it more worthwhile when the end result is more meaningful than a temporary symbolic darkness?

Wind of Change

We have all probably faced it. Some time or another. Our outlook, love, friends, jobs and various aspects in life.

The changing scenes, the people coming and going. Never really realising sometimes, what has been, is no longer. We pause at times to wonder where we have been, and where she, he or they have gone. Some of us linger, without fully understanding that what we think still is, just isn't anymore.

By the myriad of reasons and circumstances and decisions, people move on.

Like a dawning moment of watching an imaginary bulb light up in a bubble over my head; I've come to see my redundancy in what was once a probably important or even self-assumed irreplaceable position I once held.

The winds cut into my skin and tears at my flesh, blowing what once was, away. Change has come and I inevitably shall. Someday. When there is naught but ashes for the wind to change.

I don't want to wait for the blooms in an arid desert, anymore.

You Are My Sunshine

Its sometimes interesting how any song can hit you like a ton of bricks. A song from my childhood, and here, sung by music legends, Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...


Oh well.