Monday, January 26, 2009

A Lunar New Wreck

Its been nice and heartwarming to be in the presence of unconditional love. I know I can find it in God, even tho' I haven't been able to feel it through my absent mind, heart and soul. Its just empty. Feels empty, even tho' I know its there.

Family. Thank you God.
Friends. Thank you God.
My light. Thank you. Thank you God.

In the refuge of your arms I seek. I thank you for the moments you allow in my life when I can forget about it all. Rare but much cherished moments.

The moment ends, and I return to face a world of empty walls, meaningless television and webpages. I wait for my light. When I think I finally see it, I see it flicker. I see it. Then I don't know where it has gone. And I don't know why. My chest aches, and my mind ... I don't even know if I have much of that now.

And I'm cursing the motherfuckers burning motherfucking paper incense shit in the stairwell below my home (if I can call it a home). I curse the motherfucking smoke, from all the motherfucking incense and paper burning by the motherfucking bastards, making the air around me a stinking burning thick murky phlegm. I wonder if they are half brained motherfuckers with no sense of neighbourly consideration, conceived by motherfucking inbreeding.

I can feel the emptiness in me being filled with hate. And I hate that its happening so insidiously. I wish the smoke from the motherfucking house of bastards downstairs will thicken tonight as I close my drowning eyes. Perhaps I won't have to wake up to face a dark sunny day anymore.

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