Repetitive Memories & Life

What I Have Learnt From Life

There is an eerie compulsion to be nice even though according to certain reliable sources, I am obviously not (I might also say I think that Geylang is just as a reliable source, for virtuous potential foreign brides). An odd Neanderthal need to be appreciated by the ones I love or care about. Much as the darkness that thrives in my words and its incessant whine on the pointless deeds for nothing, people and life, I still end up trying.

Tasting sweet nectar occasionally, I push on only to realize the foul phlegm spat upon my back. I can still feel it encrusted on the blades wedged between my shoulder blades by hands of a proclaimed epitome of empathetic kindness. I guess some people might take the loving stealth, demonstrated in placing the forementioned sputum from a discreetly malicious mouth and knife, without my knowledge, as love. I certainly hope they experience the joy that they so lovingly offer to others, as well. Many times over.

Well, I did talk about the darkness within my words, haven’t I? Nah, I don't wish anything on them. Life has a beautiful road of parity on it's own. Duplicity is amazingly mirrored and ultimately projected to and from the associates in their lives.

But there is a reason for my words, I suppose. Caring and sharing has certainly improved my life. It has lightened my load, especially where assets and cash are concerned. And it has also dramatically provided my complexion with a certain glow, much like a radioactive scrotum.

Do the right thing I say, in light or darkness. Silly me. I’ve been roasting a brick, while dreaming of marshmallows.

I’ve always wondered, if there is really something this world has to offer. After all that I’ve gone through, I can honestly say, yes. Being the deluded clever thing that I am (one might say I resemble those round things found on the tentacles of an octopus), I dove right in to experience every sensation I could from what I would assume to be the beauty of life, within the confines of what I would desperately attempt to hope is the morally correct thing to do. I discovered how life offered me a chance to bleed. I didn’t believe it.

I believed truly in the possibilities of truth and integrity. It gave me a new fork deep in my perineum.

I still believe in life. I truly still do.

I believe it will end eventually. Soon. Please.

The Void

Void, empty, hollow inside
My dreams have fled, my hopes have died
Existence has no reason
Life's just passing with each season

She was my life, my hope, my love
All is gone, passed by thereof
The hurt is such no one should bear
What's to life, why should I care?

I weep all night for my love gone
My heart is sick, for death I long
Mine eyes well tears for love that's lost
I'll mourn always for the great cost

But in each day Lord give me hope
Strengthen me so I may cope
Grant me wisdom to help me see
Thy great way and not just me.

Torn

I'm good, I'm bad.
I'm strong, I'm weak.
I'm happy, I'm depressed.
I'm patient, I'm angry.
I'm decent, I'm filthy.
I'm virile, I'm impotent.
I'm funny, I'm lame.
I'm kind, I'm harsh.
I'm carefree, I'm emotional.
I'm apathetic, I'm nosy.
I'm flexible, I'm a control freak.
I'm stoic, I'm senstitive.
I'm loving, I'm lustful.
I'm submissive, I'm dominatng.
I'm playful, I'm flirtatious.
I'm giving, I'm selfish.
I'm sexy, I'm depraved.
I'm right, I'm wrong.
I'm passionate, I'm fixated.
I'm exciting, I'm boring.
I'm persevering, I'm tired.
I'm sensual, I'm disgusting.
I'm alive, I'm dying.

I'm witty, I'm a fool.
I'm quiet, I talk too much.

I'm a blessing, I'm a torment.
I'm cloaked in righteousness,
I'm a sinner.

I'm never the first,
I'm never the last.
I'm loved, I'm an alternative.
I'm at peace, I'm in pain.

I laugh, I cry,
I love, I despise.
I want to live, I want to die.

My face, my mask.
I am me, I am somebody else.
I am a joke, I am not funny.

I want more, I have had enough.