Thursday, December 10, 2009

2009 - Year of the Bull

And the bull sure had a great time decorating every patch of greenery in my life with dung. It’s been a delightful year with thrills that can only be felt by an eunuch watching porn.

People have been asking me, so what have I been up to lately?

Well, I’ve been breathing. It’s a really exciting hobby. All the thrills of a roller coaster running on a meter long track. Usually I would go for the common enjoyment of drawing breath through my nose, but sometimes I feel really adventurous and draw deep gulps of air with my open mouth.

Just the other day, I sneezed. You can imagine how incredibly awesome it was. Almost like the memorable coughing fit I had several weeks ago. The release of phlegm was truly the epitome of fun in wild October. One could almost say it was orgasmic. I would, if I could remember what an orgasm is. For all I know, the phlegm could’ve been dead zombie sperm that got bored sleeping and broke out of their hibernation pods below the old rusty rocket.

Breathing can be a wonderful hobby. I do it all the time, even in the midst of other fun activities. Just the other day, I was so engrossed in breathing; I stayed up all night watching a two-hour long cinematic excrement on TV. The movie was so exciting I almost wanted to stab myself. But I was too engrossed with breathing and too lazy to move my butt.

Won’t be long now, before Christmas arrives. I’ve a good feeling this holiday season will be exceptional. The anticipation is akin to the thrilling wait for an elevator to arrive while standing in the wrong building. In fact, the only thing that could beat this feeling would be the New Year. I await the coming of 2010, like a constipated man waiting for diarrhea.

The downside of my wild uninhibited lifestyle (as anyone can see from my wild activities described above), is that very few people can accept my unbridled passion for life. Even my shadow refuses to talk to me now. But so what, everybody leaves, I don’t care anymore. I greet each new day with the same unbridled kick everyone gets when they enter a toilet cubicle right after some fucker, who didn’t flush.

Die, you motherfucking bull.

No comments:

Post a Comment