Exclusive Exclusion

Several months ago, while chatting with online, Mickey was sharing a joke that a mutual good friend Donald had just told him. I mentioned that we should all get together for a drink, since we hadn’t done that for a while. Mickey said I could ask Donald myself, since Donald is online too. I asked if Donald was “appearing offline” and shot an invite to Donald at the same time. Mickey informs me otherwise. Donald was available for chat. Then a couple of minutes later, Donald appeared online.Donald told me Mickey said we should go for a drink. I said ok and we did, later.

Cool, I just found out Donald had blocked me online that day.

It was weird, but it wasn’t a big deal. I don’t particularly initiate chats unless I actually have something I need to say. We had hardly chatted online too, so figuring that I was exclusively blocked for some reason, I didn’t see a need to keep Donald in my list.

A few weeks ago, a chat window popped up onscreen. It was Donald, who asked if I wanted to get together for dinner with some friends. We chatted a little, and Donald mentioned we hadn’t chatted online for quite a while. I told him I’m always contactable, and besides he had my number. I also told him, he could always feel free to chat with me when he wanted to, when I was online. Donald laughs and said I could say hi too. I laughed and told him I had already removed him from my contact list on MSN.

I haven’t heard from Donald since. *LOL*

It’s normal that friends may maintain an interest in their friends’ lives. Many of us keep tabs on friends online, even if we may not have contacted each other for some time. That’s why many of us maintain blogs or profiles on networking sites like Facebook, MySpace, Friendster, Twitter or Plurk. We're updating our friends on our lives or thoughts and getting updates from them whenever.

Privacy is important and fair. We could have profiles that we don’t want the general public to see and so we keep it to only our friends and family.

If there is something I’d rather keep to myself, I wouldn’t even put it up.

But having a special mention in a block list is just a tad too special. I maintain blocklists for a reason. But I also know its quite impossible to truly block anyone in particular, so I only do it when it’s a spammer or someone I do not wish to see at any time. Imagine for example, being told of something a good friend posted online. Only to discover anyone can see it, except you. Yes, that means you’ve been exclusively excluded. I’m sure you’d feel very special too. :-P

When someone I consider a good friend etc, exclusively marks me out for a special mention in a block list somewhere somehow, I don’t think I need to give an explanation on why I lose interest in anything that person does or goes through.

I’m there if I’m needed as a friend, but on my own time and left to my own devices I won’t bother to preoccupy myself with the Donalds in my life. Or presumably out of my life.

A Special Wish For You

Merry Christmas darlin'

We're apart that's true

But I can dream and in my dreams

I'm Christmas-ing with you

Pub Wars - Part 1

A long long time ago (ok, so it wasn't really that long),
in a galaxy far far away (ok ok, so its really a pub thats not really that far away either)...

Liam Neeson made a secret visit to a pub where I was chilling out. Ok so its just someone who looks like him, but it just made me feel like Yoda.

Since its unlikely I'd see the real ones, my next hope is to see other lookalikes. Examples would include Jessica Alba, which would just give me a fantastic time. And yes, Megan Fox, who'd hopefully play with my bumblebee and make me feel like Optimus Prime.

The force is in me. Now who wants to play with my lightsaber?

2009 - Year of the Bull

And the bull sure had a great time decorating every patch of greenery in my life with dung. It’s been a delightful year with thrills that can only be felt by an eunuch watching porn.

People have been asking me, so what have I been up to lately?

Well, I’ve been breathing. It’s a really exciting hobby. All the thrills of a roller coaster running on a meter long track. Usually I would go for the common enjoyment of drawing breath through my nose, but sometimes I feel really adventurous and draw deep gulps of air with my open mouth.

Just the other day, I sneezed. You can imagine how incredibly awesome it was. Almost like the memorable coughing fit I had several weeks ago. The release of phlegm was truly the epitome of fun in wild October. One could almost say it was orgasmic. I would, if I could remember what an orgasm is. For all I know, the phlegm could’ve been dead zombie sperm that got bored sleeping and broke out of their hibernation pods below the old rusty rocket.

Breathing can be a wonderful hobby. I do it all the time, even in the midst of other fun activities. Just the other day, I was so engrossed in breathing; I stayed up all night watching a two-hour long cinematic excrement on TV. The movie was so exciting I almost wanted to stab myself. But I was too engrossed with breathing and too lazy to move my butt.

Won’t be long now, before Christmas arrives. I’ve a good feeling this holiday season will be exceptional. The anticipation is akin to the thrilling wait for an elevator to arrive while standing in the wrong building. In fact, the only thing that could beat this feeling would be the New Year. I await the coming of 2010, like a constipated man waiting for diarrhea.

The downside of my wild uninhibited lifestyle (as anyone can see from my wild activities described above), is that very few people can accept my unbridled passion for life. Even my shadow refuses to talk to me now. But so what, everybody leaves, I don’t care anymore. I greet each new day with the same unbridled kick everyone gets when they enter a toilet cubicle right after some fucker, who didn’t flush.

Die, you motherfucking bull.

If Tomorrow Never Comes

What once was, will always be.

Love never ends,

even if memories are all I can see.

I'm glad to know you're happy.

May joy and blessings be upon you.

I love you.

But it doesn't matter anymore.

I will lie to myself from now on,

and forevermore...

Waves of Oblivion

The huge waves at the foreign beach have always been, and still are an irresistible draw to my every sense. The feel of the ocean’s power and the relative safety of its surf and so much more, makes me want to return every year, whenever I can.

A single look at its beauty, pulls at my every fibre. Drawing me towards its embrace.

Perhaps it was only eventual that I discovered the other side of its siren call. Bliss and pure thrill, turned into an everlasting moment of non-realisation that I could have drowned and be with my beloved sea. Forever.

The low tides, brought upon a tremendously strong rip current, which I normally never had a real problem with. Swimming against the current, and trying to swim with the waves had totally exhausted me out, but I just kept going and eventually reached a friend who managed to pull me closer to shore.

I never thought I might have died, nor was I overly concerned, except that my mind seem singularly focused on swimming back to shore, to life. That perhaps I might hold you again.

I could have probably died. But I am alive.

You draw me irresistibly whenever I see you, as little as it may be now. You have a new life now. Perhaps an ocean away from my dead pond. And I can feel the chasm you have put between us even when you are near. Perhaps I am a fool. Perhaps I am human. And perhaps, I am just caught in the waves again.

I am happy to watch the waves from afar. Perhaps I shall return to the waves soon, when I can. I am unable to tolerate this cold cave and this life if I had not a hope to see the beautiful ocean once more.

But this time, I no longer have a reason to swim back to shore. Perhaps the waves can bring me away, someday.

A Little Bird Told Me ...

Sometimes, just sometimes,
something happens.
Something that makes u smile
and forget about what you could never seem to forget.

At least, for a little while.

As always, I was just going through the now humdrum road of life, waiting to step into the pothole of death. My stomach commandeered my body and made me cook some porridge for lunch. As I was bringing the steaming hot bowl of porridge to eat at the table, something flew around my head. First reaction was to duck and wonder, "WTF! How the hell did a cockroach grow that big?!". It was fluttering all around my shoulders and back of my neck, and I was surprised I didn't drop the bowl of porridge, while doing my startling "avoid the big bug attacking my head" kung fu technique.

Then it flew away for a while and stood on the window sill. It was a bird. A cute little dark yellow bird (of which species, I do not know), which looked like a pet someone may have kept. I put the bowl down, and again it flew to me, and this time I stood still and watched as it landed on my shoulder and just stood there. I felt like a sissy pirate.

I thought I'd lead it to the window and let it fly away, but it didn't. It flew to me wherever I went. Perching on my hand, my arms and my shoulders whenever it got close to me. It was just too adorable. I took a small tray of water and placed it at the table, and it went ahead to take a drink and even bathed and splshed around in it for a while. Then I cooked a spoonful of rice and fed it on another tray. Placing the small tray of rice on the table as well, I put some grains into my palm. Amazingly, it flew onto my hand instead of the tray. After feeding it for some time, I went about my own business and it followed me into every room I went. It was just a really nice feeling again to feel "wanted". Haha.

Then I decided to sit down and just spend some time with it. Sadly (and ironically), it then decided to fly away. In the space of an hour, it came, cheered me up and then, it was gone.

Its pretty amazing how a little bird can brighten a day, even for a short moment in time. But its something I can learn to keep in my mind and cherish, I guess.

Perhaps God wanted me to smile again. Thank you my Lord. And perhaps also to remind me, that nothing in this world can truly give me any longlasting or everlasting joy. To remind me that I was just being a fool. Perhaps it was a fool who smiled today, even for a little while. But it was something. A little nugget of gold, along this putrid road of life.

Nobody stays, they all leave, in the end. And most likely even way before the end. But still, I will remember it, and also thank the Lord that He gave me something.

Anything.

Everything.

Losing Everything

Silence with glowing hatred
With that I bled
Refusing to go through with it again
Can't do anything but remain.

Everything is always against my will
Wanting promises to fulfill
Having no shred of hope
Knowing I could never cope

Nothing worth fighting for
Wouldn't eat anymore
Losing my self esteem
along with my happy dream

Faces in the mirror
Wishing it to be clearer
After all, I'm nothing
from losing everything

- Grace Angelia

Tainted Soul

A pain and anguish within,
Hidden deep inside.
None but few would know
of its stain marking my life.

Like a wound so deep,
It wrenches and writhes.
Like nothing I have felt,
Unendingly draining as I live.

Time and prayer helps it heal.
Perhaps. I prayed. Someday.

Cutting in precision,
Jabbing in deliberation.
You rip at my pain
With a heart aching intention.

My agony inflamed,
It festers and bleeds.
Never shall I blame,
Yet no longer can I be healed.

AWARE Wasn't Aware

Its amazing how something can be blown so far out people’s asses, that it hits the faces of everyone and raises a stink best kept private. But a recent non-issue became so widely reported everywhere in Singapore that it sticks out like a turd unwilling to leave the anus.

So much has already been written on the “takeover” of AWARE, a feminist organization which claims to be champions for women’s rights. I have no wish to say anything about their usefulness or redundancy, relevance or otherwise. And I won’t need to make any comments over the outcry over a legal change in leadership. All I can say is they left their asses wide open to get shafted.

Why am I using so many analogies to buttocks? Well, this issue is apparently very important to butt pounders (and perhaps their female counterparts). Or did I hear someone say turd burglar? Though frankly, in Singapore, I believe lesbians have no law to really worry about, in the indulgence of their lifestyle.

Personally, I have no issues with gays. Though I am pissed that they should have stolen a happy, bright and lively word and made it gay.

Without going into my own spiritual beliefs, I do not go around provoking people living a lifestyle which I may or may not approve. People can slice their dicks for all I know or care in the privacy of their own homes, as long as they do not bother me or others that remain blissfully unaware.

Homosexuals love to decry anyone who disagrees with their lifestyle. Moaning like bitches as if someone shoved something up their proverbial butts. Though I think they might actually enjoy it. I say, if you open up your butthole in public, it’s not surprising if someone comes along and kicks your ass.

Tolerance means you tolerate. It doesn’t mean absolute acceptance or having to welcome or like it. If someone farts in the elevator, it may be something that cannot be helped or averted, and so we tolerate it. It doesn’t mean we have to like it and start encouraging a “farting in elevators” lifestyle.

Nobody bothered much about the homosexual issue, and despite it being against the law in Singapore, we don’t see gays being rounded up in prisons. Try living in Saudi Arabia or some middle eastern country and see what they'll do to you if they even suspect you're gay (and I don't mean happy). Why don't you pack your butts and try protesting for your rights there? Or are you only brave enough to fight where the field is filled with people who are actually tolerant?

Homosexuals are spearheading a movement for their ‘legal’ rights wherever they can with their bullhorns. Not that nobody knows who they are or that anyone started a homo war, but they wanted legal rights such as “marriage” between people of the same gender.

There you go, another attempt to hijack a perfectly good word and concept for their own. Isn’t it obvious that people who do not agree will speak out as well? If only to preserve their beliefs and principles? Homosexuals seem to think they have a monopoly on “rights”. What about the rights of others to keep and hold on to their beliefs? If it is a “right” to believe that homosexuality is normal, why is it then not a “right” for others to believe it is wrong?

Infringements into areas previously not meant to be touched, seem to be a favourite activity for homosexuals.

Many use the term “human rights” like it was some kind of mantra. Lets be honest here, human rights constantly change according to society over time. And it isn't always what I would term as progress.

I can only imagine. Lets open the floodgates then. Sure, make homosexuality a legal norm now. While it was once considered something else in the past, sure lets say its perfectly fine now. After all, they were “born that way”, a “lifestyle choice” and etc. Well, lets remember that there are still many other “alternative” lifestyles considered taboo now and many of which would even disgust our homosexual “human rights” mantra chanters.

Once upon a time, it was normal for a penis to penetrate only a vagina, as my biology class would tell me. Then it became seemingly normal to penetrate assholes (pun? Who cares?) as well. What’s next, sex with animals? It is possible you know. After all, they can claim they were born to love an ape, a cow, horse, sheep or a dead chicken. Get "scientific" studies to publish journals on the normality of sucking a donkey's cock etc. The same arguments used by the homosexuals can also be used by these animal fuckers. And then after that? What if pedophiles began fighting for their “rights” too?

Give me a break. You have your views, I have mine, and others have theirs. If you want to throw shit at people with disagreeable opinions, then expect the same shit to get shoved back into your experienced ass. Try to take over somebody's turf? Then don't act all pissed when yours get invaded too.

If homosexuals and their stalwarts want to preach human rights and tolerance, I would strongly suggest they remember it goes both ways (though personally preferably not up the butt). It takes two hands to clap, not two “swords”. Don't talk smack about disagreeable people who speak out against your beliefs, when you can't shut the fuck up about them as well. Its like complaining about someone farting in the next stall while you are taking a dump in a toilet.

And since the “old guard” of AWARE reportedly states that they do not discriminate, then why seemingly discriminate against women who believe purely in a traditional marriage and family values? Are the homosexuals the only ones allowed to preach? While they figure support for lesbians would be a part of their cause for women, I guess they somehow forgot that the women who disagree with promotion and support for homosexuality, are women too. Tsk.

I am mostly fine with gays and lesbians. I have friends who are just that. I like most of them personally even if I may not be comfortable with their lifestyles, but we know our boundaries. It’s only when I get propositioned by gays when it’s so obvious I am not, or even when I blatantly say I am not interested, that it opens a door to utter irritation (an understatement). And let’s just say it’s not an infrequent occurrence.

I tolerate it. To say the least.

So please keep away from our traditions and beliefs, and quit waving and poking around where you’re not supposed to, and we’ll refrain from shoving it back into your ass. And not in a way you are accustomed too.

Great Expectations... & Pompous Assumptions

Social stratification and the determination by certain elitists to hang on to their presumptuous station in life is as always, ever so prevalent.

Witness the troubles of the beautiful and friendly Thais which began several years ago, and you'll see an excellent example of elitist hypocritical snobs determined to claw on to a very shaky precipice of power and wealth. In the rise of a previously sufferable obedient majority, its pretty obvious things are going to get worse, especially when the old elitist guard sees no benefits in majority rule. So much for democracy huh?

The current unelected leaders' promise and actions in reconciliation efforts would seem to be only applicable if they remained in power.

I love Thailand and its people for the times I’ve spent there vacationing. And I sincerely hope to see a resolution, which I think should ultimately be left to themselves.

But that’s not what I am really going to say. I just needed to set the stage for certain leaders of our own country, Singapore. I keep wondering if a similar situation might occur here, and the way things are going in this materialistic and hedonistic attitudes found in many of our own self proclaimed ‘elite’, I suppose it’s only a matter of time.

Just listen to them. And read between the gilded lines.

Reportedly, George Yeo lamented (or blogged) about the sad conditions of the current situation in Thailand. The interesting part I read that shone out like a like the headlights of oncoming garbage truck (and most certainly smelled that way) can be found in the following paragraph quoted from his blog. Go search for it, if you must. I don’t see why I should provide a link to such pomposity.

“PM (Lee Hsien Loong) was told by the Thai Government that he and the Singapore delegation should evacuate by sea, to be ferried by small boats to a nearby LST which would take us to Sattahip naval base. From there we could drive to U-Tapao. It all seemed quite unseemly to me that leaders and ministers had to leave in this way. But anyway we packed our belongings and waited for instructions since the Thais were responsible for our security. Happily we were informed around 3.30pm that the demonstrators had dispersed and we could travel by road to U-Tapao with full dignity.”

Even in an supposed emergency evacuation, he was concerned with his ‘dignity’ as if his tenure and status was some God-given right and privilege. I cannot even find the words now to convey certain feelings and thoughts swimming in my mind.

If I were in-charge of evacuation and faced with this man, I would show him a very dignified finger (I didn't say which one, so feel free to assume and I can feel free to agree or deny) and make him sit with the cargo, behind the pets and animals (which would probably be more appreciative in being brought to safety in any manner whatsoever).

And this is probably the true face of our ‘leaders’, behind their friendly (keep voting for me so I can be what I am and continue to enjoy what I have) smiles.

General trivia for the day;

The magnificent Rafflesia Flower is a wonder to behold, until you smell it. Reportedly, it smells like a corpse and attracts carrion flies for pollination. It is also a parasitic plant without any leaves, stems and roots. It has only nutrient-absorbing threads to absorb nutrients from the host on which it lives.

April. Fools. Everywhere.

I wasn’t entirely bothered by today being yet another major non-event “celebrated” by people from all over. Yes, April Fools’ Day, another day that is nearly on par with Valentine’s Day.

You either hate it, or love it. Or if you’re like me, you don’t really give a fuck or remember. Until several people I know started having their jollies at another person’s expense. Someone I know played an “I’m back in town, let’s get together ‘prank’” on her friends. I wonder how excited they’d behave when it really happens. Hahaa. People don’t like to be fooled twice.

And if you are within my circle of friends, you’d have a friend’s birthday today. Which makes me wonder about the countless jokes his parents, doctors and nurses could’ve been playing that very day he was born.

Some brave souls may want to try going down to their neighbourhood provision shop (grocery shop, for you foreign readers). Order lotsa shit, make’em carry several bags of rice for you to the cashier, bundle several loose items together etc. And when its time to pay, just laugh and shout “April Fool!”.

There’re always better uses for each situation. Why not make use of the day? Are you feeling lonely? Or just plain curious? Or maybe you’re a horny goat with blue balls? Ever wondered if that lady friend of yours had a secret desire to shag you? Or perhaps just a minor “ok, I don’t mind him humping me if I had no one else when I’m high and horny” demeanor?

Ask them today. If the answer is not positive, it’s an April Fools’ prank. If it is, well, I’m sure you know what to do.

And ladies, of course, fear not, especially if you’re reading this. After all, you could take this joke further. You could even stretch the positivity in this situation even longer. Leading him on all the way, making him strip himself. And then shouting “April Fool” at his soon-to-be rapidly diminishing manhood.

I’m staying home during this day of festive idiocy.

Oh wait, I’ll play a little prank on my sofa later, I’ll tell it I’m not going to be sitting on it today. And then sit anyway. Yeah, lame. That’s what I think of April and fools.

Lights Off For Earth?

I’ve been seeing lots of people pushing for Earth Hour, Earth Day, Save The Earth etc. lately, due to the approach of Earth Hour 2009. If you haven’t got a clue, Google is a good place to start.

Most seem intent on spreading a fastidious message in getting anyone and everyone to switch off their lights, be it in their homes or offices on a particular day, at a particular hour.

Personally, I find it perhaps at best symbolic but utterly useless and ineffectual otherwise. Why just the lights? Why not more? If they’re so into using less energy, they should know electric lights in our homes aren’t really the energy guzzlers. And this is just going to give most people a little impression of “oh I feel so good I’m helping to save the earth”, before they go back to being part of the problem. Driving around in a gas guzzler with a bumper sticker to say “Save the Earth” or putting a tag in Facebook makes people feel good. But it’s as helpful as taking a picture of you giving canned sardines to some homeless dude, and walking away after that, thinking you have made an impact on his life.

Let’s just look at Singapore, since different countries may have different extreme energy usage. The villages in certain regions wouldn’t be bathed in electrical lighting anyway, besides various factors and locations.

Imagine looking at Singapore with the lights in the buildings switched off for an hour. Of course HDB flats would still have corridor lights to provide a little consolation. Others may not be so lucky, and it could turn out to be a great time for burglars and other miscellaneous criminals to have a field day or hour. *LOL*

It looks good probably on the outside. But I can imagine the very same people who were made aware of this movement (mostly via the internet), still sitting at their PCs. Guess how much energy the PC uses, compared to that light on the ceiling? Others are probably watching TV. Perhaps the lucky ones will be fucking in the dark for an hour, and probably in a room cooled by another energy guzzler, the air-conditioner. Maybe a bunch of friends or family will be sitting around for an hour in the dark amidst candles having a nice time. And most likely, drinking cold beer or drinks, straight from the (energy guzzling) refrigerator?

How about we tell Mediacorp or Starhub and their ilk to stop broadcasting? That should stop people from watching television for an hour. Then again, someone may get the bright idea that they can watch a DVD anyway.

Or hey, how about we get the Singtel, Starhub and every other ISP or IAP to cut off access to the internet? I imagine some people will still be playing single player games, or working on some office shit they brought home, to save energy in the office.

Hmm, how about we start promoting preserving our foodstuff with salt, or perhaps a huge trough of earth to bury our food? That should save lots from those energy draining refrigerators. But do it wrong and lots of people will be driving energy guzzling cars to the hospital.

Just a few suggestions I guess, and way more useful in saving energy too, but still ultimately impractical.

Don’t ask me for solutions, people are paid to do that (I'm not, so I'll whine for free), and I think they should come up with better ideas. The amount of money spent on these ideas and their promotion thereafter, is just a staggering waste, in my humble and inconsequential opinion.

Fossil fuels (and deforestation) are the driving forces that are leading to global warming. At the same time enriching oil countries and their leeches in the form of multinational companies, with finances and resources that are probably mostly used for more research into how they can continue destroying the earth, be it on a mass scale like the destruction of earth’s environment behind a friendly face, play political games or funding suicide bombers (oh don’t deny me the joy of exposing a little nugget of truth). Ever wonder why many of the countries with the most oil, also have only hot arid deserts as a natural landscape?

People are going to continue with their lifestyles, and even a small change in saving energy isn’t going to solve the problem. At all.

How about spending those massive funds on research and harnessing solar energy? I’m sure current research can do with that money. Expensive perhaps, but isn’t it more worthwhile when the end result is more meaningful than a temporary symbolic darkness?

Wind of Change

We have all probably faced it. Some time or another. Our outlook, love, friends, jobs and various aspects in life.

The changing scenes, the people coming and going. Never really realising sometimes, what has been, is no longer. We pause at times to wonder where we have been, and where she, he or they have gone. Some of us linger, without fully understanding that what we think still is, just isn't anymore.

By the myriad of reasons and circumstances and decisions, people move on.

Like a dawning moment of watching an imaginary bulb light up in a bubble over my head; I've come to see my redundancy in what was once a probably important or even self-assumed irreplaceable position I once held.

The winds cut into my skin and tears at my flesh, blowing what once was, away. Change has come and I inevitably shall. Someday. When there is naught but ashes for the wind to change.

I don't want to wait for the blooms in an arid desert, anymore.

You Are My Sunshine

Its sometimes interesting how any song can hit you like a ton of bricks. A song from my childhood, and here, sung by music legends, Johnny Cash and Bob Dylan.

The other night dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
But when I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and I cried.

You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away...


Oh well.

Music Soothes The Soul

There is nothing like music, without which, the world would be unimaginably unbearable. The innate ability of a tune to make us reach into every emotion we can possibly feel is just so mundanely normal to most of us, it has become almost like a daily staple of nourishment we turn to, at every turn of our souls.

Haven’t we all cried listening to a song, smiled at the sweet memories from an old familiar one or simply fade into the beauty of a tune that surrounds our senses?

We seek the songs that speak our minds, our hearts and our emotions. Yet we can also find comfort and joy in times of despair and find an errant tear falling even when you least expect it.

So incredibly important as well, is the musician who is able to translate that music onto an instrument in a way that just touches you.

I found, through a link from a friend, a kid from Korea. Sungha Jung is just too incredible for words. I can’t imagine how magnificent he would be with his acoustic guitar when he reaches adulthood.

A whole host of videos of him playing can be found on YouTube and if you love music, you won’t regret going through at least a few of these.

The Other Side of February 14th.

There is something about today. Despite not ever having celebrated Valentine’s Day, mostly due to the crass commercialisation and jacked up prices for normally reasonably priced stuff, has always been a comfortable and fortunate feeling of having someone around, somehow, who loves you.

It is not surprising many unattached souls feel an intense feeling of loneliness, hoping for the day and night to pass to a new day. Perhaps the acute pain, loneliness and despair will go away tonight with an alcoholic pain-killer. One can only hope...


Sitting by the table, looking at the sky
He wonders where she could be tonight.

Perhaps she has already found another
And the joy and comfort in those arms
In an embrace where his arms once were.
In a past, no longer forever.

Alone, he remembers,
A love so rare.
Now diminished,
She's no longer there.

He pictures her smile
As the skies turn grey,
And he hopes she is happy
Now that she is away.

He misses her,
But he knows,
She is not his,
Not anymore.

May she find her smile
Where she is today,
He closes his eyes
And he fades away.

Top Shaman of Lala Land Resigns

Holy Chinglee, recognized as one of the most powerful and influential nurses in the healthcare industry, has resigned from her post as chief shaman in the Village Men’s Hospital of Lala Land.

In her tenure as chief shaman, the hospital has been transformed radically into a risk-taking hospital that has gained tremendous strides in controversial steroid use in its treatments for patients. The risks have increased the village hospital’s number of patients seeking treatment, compared to the low-risk approach of previous managements.

The great strides made in healthcare under Holy Chinglee, has been seen in the double to triple growth in muscular size and strength of their patients, since her appointment as shaman. The scrawny patients have become huge powerhouses under the steroid treatments and have been lauded by the village hospital and Lala Land’s elders as a testament to Holy Chinglee’s capabilities and handy talent in making things grow.

Insiders and critics however, have pointed out that along with immense muscular gain, the patients have also begun to loose most of the hair on their heads and gaining a remarkable increase in armpit hair. In recent months, all patients have also discovered an inability to have erections, and the inexplicable loss of one testicle. Many, whose muscular bulks have had raving public exhibitions, have also complained behind closed doors, that they have lost up to a third of their penis size.

In a press statement, the Village Men’s Hospital has denounced steroid manufacturers and vigorously defends its own creed and practice. A hospital spokesman says, “Chinglee has been an inspiration in her time with us. Many men are now able to parade themselves on the dirty beaches of Lala Land in pride, under her care. Despite the small (sic) losses due to external factors for which the hospital cannot responsible, we have advised the men that, they can still achieve and enjoy prostate orgasms through anal probes with help from their lovers or wives.”

Holy Chinglee has also expressed no regrets in her handling of patients and premature release from the hospital.

Speculation is now rife on her next move, and many are wondering if she will continue her radical treatments in private practice, especially on her husband who is the Chief Elder of Lala Land. But anonymous sources have waved off such rumours, saying he does not need such treatments and already enjoys prostate orgasms leisurely.

She has also refused to comment on the possibilities of her induction into the Elder Council, which could see her sitting next to her husband in the treetops of Monkey Hill in Lala Land.

---

Holy Chinglee previously revealed her admiration for Singapore’s Ho Ching (who enjoys much love and support from people who love and support her), and has described the latter as an exceptional role model.
-Unregulated Free Press

Mediacorpus Bastardus

I have a growing love for Singapore’s free to air Mediacorp’s Channel 5. The likes of which can only be compared to my enthusiasm in getting my scrotal sac being cut off to make a purse.

There is little that I look forward to watching on TV these days, with the gamut of local productions being forced down our throats like mothers feeding their children cod liver oil. Then we have the wonderful host of movie reruns, they now call encore telecasts. Crap by any other name is still crap.

And I’m sure everyone loves reruns of local shows. I love them too, just like I love having my shit shoved up my ass, just so I can defecate them all over again.

Recently, I’ve only really looked forward to the weekly airing of CSI, one of the few shows that are actually interesting to watch, that I’ve never watched before. And tonight is the night it should air. Then I discover, they’re pre-empting it for a delightful local drama ‘Sweet Tapioca Porridge’. Whoop de fooking doo. Here I am waiting to watch a thrilling forensic drama, and I get tapioca porridge. If they want to stick their tapioca into porridge, why can’t they pre-empt some of their own local crappy productions which already dominate primetime through the entire week?

Sure, they may be some pretty watchable local productions (and nonyas or bibiks or babas speaking perfect mandarin just doesn’t cut it for me), but for the love of your viewers’ sanity, don’t intrude on our staple of good international fare after 10pm.

Imagine the hungry thrill of entering a renowned steakhouse only to be told they’re only serving only tapioca porridge that very night.

I hope they get a delightful porridge disease on their tubers.

Away

I stare out of the windows, into the dark night. Lights from homes around me shine like beacons in the shadows that cover mine. The stars have hidden themselves tonight, refusing to share their radiant beauty above, while glaring surrogates of artificial ones on the streets below vainly attempt to fill their place.

I wonder where, she might be, ignoring probabilities that answer my nostalgic mind. She is away. Not here. The breeze replies. So very far away.

The wind brushes my face; I struggle to let it disperse my thoughts. All it does is scatter my broken mind.

I pretend I can see her. I pretend I am fine. Even as I watch everything crumble, piece by agonizing piece. I think I see her, even when I know it is not. A farcical wait for a new day, knowing I truly seek its dusk and the darkness to rest my charade.

Will she remember me, or think of me, even in irrelevant moments of her life, if I was away. Would she even know? Perhaps, relevance has left, and the wind howls in the empty chambers of my heart. Decaying, cleaved and hollowed by that which has gone away. Away to a life unfettered by me.

Perhaps she will smile. While she is away. I find comfort that she will, and perhaps the stars are with her tonight.

The stars are away tonight. Nothing is here tonight. The wind sings to me tonight, alone in a crowded city of lights.

Life is a Beach

My ocean of love,
She swells and roars at my approach,
As the waves embrace and cover me.
The splendor of her beauty unbound,
Waning miserably cupped in my hands.

My hopes akin to sand.
Her soft touch soothes my tired feet,
Bearing the heaviness of my entirety.
I reach for its soft touch,
They slip and flow through my fingers.

My dreams illuminated with stars.
Radiating visions of bliss and delight
Into my weary old soul.
Sweet escape that beckons me
Darkens and fades in anguished tears.

Love does not belong to me.

Hope torments me with fading fantasies.

Dreams die in agonizing reality.

Life, is a bitch.


Lord, I want her to be happy, no matter what that means. To be free… even if it’s from me. I want her to find the love she deserves, who will see her always as I do now, through Your eyes.

Self-Regulated Regimes?

Down in Lala Land, the Senior Elder for the State of Artful Communication of Misinformation, Mr Money Phuck You has described local toilets as ineffective self-regulated regimes.

Speaking in the Elder’s Council situated in the treetops of Monkey Hill, Mr Money cited the example of shit that erupted from various visitors to local toilets after an elder was set on fire in his kitchen, by a grumpy old rickshaw driver, while serving food to needy serfs.

The local toilets were abuzz with the sounds of different sounding farts and droppings, after eating the food served by the elder. Mr Money described some farts as sweet smelling, while criticising others, which he termed as unhelpful and thus not conducive to a public amenity.

“Significant numbers of farts heard were too loud. A small number was downright smelly. It’s disappointing.”

Mr Money added that the toilets’ bulletin boards should have been used to provide information on how to release softer or more melodious farts and how drinking less water may assist in less watery stools that will not stain the toilet seats so kindly donated by the council.

He said, “It is a squandered opportunity for a higher degree of self-regulation. It would have been an example of the genesis of the first step towards a more responsible, a greater self-regulatory regime.

“But many of those farts were not rebutted nor answered. And I think it is not healthy for some of those to crap unsavoury shit in the toilet unchallenged, unquestioned, and unanswered.”

Many in the council nodded their heads in amazement that Mr Money was able to use the word “genesis” in his sentence. All agreed that it was an excellent way to provide a useful double emphasis on the meaning of taking a first step.

Lala Land’s incumbent dynasty is now making more efforts to engage visitors to toilets, after the Advisory council on the Impact of Mushy Stools (AIMS) submitted its proposals in December last year. But it is opting for a cautious and pragmatic approach for now. It is yet unready to face current serfs who enjoy taking a dump in an assorted freedom of styles and personal expression.

Mr Money said that in order to develop a responsible toilet, all parties, including the toilet administrators and toilet goers, have a role to play. He has however not prescribed the methods of playing while in the toilet. Insiders have anonymously let on, that the elder will soon touch on the proper positions to be used while taking a dump. Unacceptable positions such as males sitting down to take a piss may soon be officially frowned upon.

He said; toilet goers and toilet administrators need to maintain credibility, so that the elder council can enjoy their visits to toilets. Apparently, official farts and dingleberries expelled by elders in the council have gained a sweet intoxicating reputation amongst themselves. After all, elders are paid with bananas of the highest quality, and will thus produce only sweet aromatic excrement and pleasing melodic farts.

Differing opinions are generally labelled as silly and ignorant, due to intake of poor quality bananas.

The senior elder also encourages serfdom to pin notes on the bulletin walls of toilets to praise and generally enjoy the farts and floating islands left behind by visiting council elders, who found time to grace the toilets with their officially aromatic shit. He looks forward to all toilet users helping, to establish and enforce norms of acceptable toilet behaviour.

Mr Money also holds the official Lala Land’s commission of Rear Admittance Officer in the elite navel inspection guard. He has cited his admiration for Singapore’s government and RADM Lui Tuck Yew’s commendable efforts in attempts to control the internet and seeks to use similar policies to police disappointing toilet behaviour in Lala Land. He has also often copied speeches made by the latter for his own benefit.

-Unregulated Free Press.

Life vs Work

Apparently, Nominated Member of Parliament Loo Choon Yong thinks, since Singaporeans aren't spending enough time fucking, to fertilise our women, they should start working longer weeks again.

During the 2009 Budget debate, this very Loo (pun inadvertently intended) tried to flush away what he thought was a turd. Branding the move to a shorter work week by the public sector and then the private sectors in 2004 as an erosion of the Singaporean's work ethic, since he feels we have not improved our fucking skills (or better phrased perhaps as "skills in fucking") in any meaningful way.

The Loo gurgled, "We should accept that as a people our procreation talent is not our forte - nothing to crow about.". Urging the government "to take steps to determine whether our productivity and competitiveness have been affected by the five-day week and to review the policy, if necessary."

Unleashing his own watery stools, he voiced concerns over what he called the "all life and very little work" attitude of the younger generation. Pointing to local newspaper Straits Times reports on how to maximise leave by taking advantage of public holidays that fall near weekends as an indication of an erosion of the work ethics.

With a very typical old generation mentality pervasively found in many of our fathers and local bosses, it would seem work productivity is measured by the number of hours spent in the workplace. Similar to how many loos have a pervasive shit smell.

Many people already spend their off-days at home, working on shit they brought home from the office. I wonder how horny anyone can get when their anuses is choke shoved with that much work. But of course, Loo probably thinks all Singaporeans probably need is a 5-minute poke and cum session (20 minutes or more really is just wasting time and energy with all that grunting and cardiological movements).

I might have added that it could be due to his own personal ejaculative experiences, but I could be wrong.

Perhaps the Loo knows what he is talking about. For all I know, he could be God's gift to women, and can probably fertilise any woman at will, at any given time, in between work. Who knows, perhaps women get incredibly horny and ready to bear babies when looking at him. I wouldn't dare say anything, I'm not a woman and I have never understood them.

Personally, if I were a woman, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't wanna fuck him. But being a man, who knows what women want? Could that be the reason? Perhaps he doesn't want the rest of us to get lucky when he can only resort to self gratification? Just an assumption, and if anyone thinks I'm saying it is so, it is purely misconception on their part. Well, at least that's a form of conception, even if it missed.

All I know is, most of us mere mortals probably need to spend an abundant load of time before our penises even feel the warm breath of a woman's love. Time, which an extra day off on Saturday may not prove sufficient.

We can even throw away Sundays as anything remotely useful, considering many, if not most, poor saps like us spend it cleaning our homes, buying groceries and largely moping around thinking about the dreadful looming Monday. But of course, Loo probably has a maid to do that all for him, while he does his patriotic procreating during commercial breaks on TV. Again, I am only assuming, and I could be wrong. Besides, with so much commercial time these days, our efficient Loo might probably be able to complete his duty and shower too.

So whats wrong with trying to maximise leave by taking advantage of public holidays that fall near weekends, that we might finally actually get some nookie? And may I remind ourselves (yeah, guys, I'm talking about us), most of us probably go back to work with blue balls anyway. Most men who turn up for work on Monday, may have a sullenly frustrated look. Guess why?

Women can have it anytime they want, but us men, well... we are mostly just waiting around for that golden moment. Like hookers in Geylang. And that hardly comes (pun fully intended).

He did try to excuse himself by saying, "I have nothing against our young Singaporeans having fun and partying. But I hope they will work as hard as they play."

All I can say is, when there is too much work, we may somehow find time to play, but we won't necessarily be able to get hard.

Update:
Apparently, the Loo is executive chairman of the Raffles Medical Group. And an ex-staff tells me how they are totally maxed to the core where work is concerned.

Apparently she was always so dried out from work all the time, there wasn't any chance after getting home, that she'd be able to get wet. :P

So, my dear Loo and your fellow rich cronies, you are among the leading causes to Singapore's low fertility rates.

Ballad To The Cavity Where My Heart Used To Be

Don't... don't close your heart to how you feel
Dream, and don't be afraid the dream's not real
Close your eyes, pretend it's just the two of us again
Make believe this moment's here to stay
Touch... touch me the way you used to do

I know tonight could be all I'll have with you
From now on, you'll be with someone else instead of me
So tonight, let's fill this memory

For the last time
Hold me now
Don't cry, don't say a word
Just hold me now
And I will know though we're apart, we'll always be together
Forever in love

What do you say when words are not enough?

Time... time will be kind once we're apart
And your tears... tears will have no place in your heart
I wish I... I could say how much I'll miss you when you're gone
How my love for you will go on and on and...

Hold me now
Don't cry, don't say a word
Just hold me now
And try to understand that I hope at last you've found
What you've been searchin' for
And though I won't be there anymore
I will always love you

Hold me now
Don't cry, don't say a word
Just hold me now
And I will know though we're apart, we'll always be together
Forever in love

What do you say when words are not enough?

What can I say
When my words are not enough?


Having rediscovered this song from long ago, I find it unbearably painful as it plays to my ears, and wrenches my soul. Yet, I seek that pain like a drug, if only to remind me I am alive. Dreaming of a last embrace, dreaming it would last.

I know not how, but I know I shall live in that moment, a moment that can only probably happen in a dream that I will pretend is real.

A Cynical Calm

For every wound, a balm.
For every sorrow, cheer.
For every storm, a calm.
For every thirst, beer!

Indeed, a lover that’s always here.
The wonders of beer.

Well, perhaps not so much beer, but I did enjoy couple’a bottles of wine. There is much to say about the perspectives a drink can give a mind like mine.

Realisations of a life my own that no one can really or would really bother with. I’ve always had a satisfying life when I am content. Ambition, covetousness, greed, even hope and expectations almost unquestionably lead your sorry ass down a road to despair and disappointment.

When opportunity knocks, open the door and let it in if you like the looks of it. I figure its best not to even expect anything interesting outside the door, apart from bloody salesmen selling toilet chutes and pairs of Jehovah Witnesses.

I wonder how long this calm can last. Perhaps it’s just the eye of some godly storm, and when the storm is over, there will be nothing left of me. Or what was recognisably me.

Meanwhile, I’m happy to note I do have something I can look forward to. Even after downgrading my mobile phone plan, albeit with a contract, I got a new mobile phone for a fraction of its cost; and it does come with all preferred bells and whistles. I’m just waiting anxiously it to arrive. Now that’s one of the very few things I can be sure expectations would not disappoint. I hope.

Nihil Ex Nihilo

Sleep was such saccharine comfort. The dark dormancy of a faded life. Dreams were a joy and sweet pretense. I could see you, even if it was just a lie.

Where have you hidden yourself, Mr. Sandman?
Why have you left me awake
When I needed you most?
Where is your sand to blind my despicable consciousness
And allow me sweet repose?

The minutes of welcoming unconsciousness,
Visits me with little comfort.
Where are my sweet dreams?
Why have they left me with naught
But visions of despondency?

I can’t sleep.
I hate my dreams.
Contaminated by emptiness
Stained by darkness.

God made everything out of nothing, and I can see nothingness in everything.

Everything I do, everything I say,
Leads not to where I hope.
Nothing I do, nothing I say,
Leads to naught but the same noose on a proverbial rope.

What do I really want to say today?
Nothing I guess, from where I lay,
I’ll just watch my sanity slip away.

A Lunar New Wreck

Its been nice and heartwarming to be in the presence of unconditional love. I know I can find it in God, even tho' I haven't been able to feel it through my absent mind, heart and soul. Its just empty. Feels empty, even tho' I know its there.

Family. Thank you God.
Friends. Thank you God.
My light. Thank you. Thank you God.

In the refuge of your arms I seek. I thank you for the moments you allow in my life when I can forget about it all. Rare but much cherished moments.

The moment ends, and I return to face a world of empty walls, meaningless television and webpages. I wait for my light. When I think I finally see it, I see it flicker. I see it. Then I don't know where it has gone. And I don't know why. My chest aches, and my mind ... I don't even know if I have much of that now.

And I'm cursing the motherfuckers burning motherfucking paper incense shit in the stairwell below my home (if I can call it a home). I curse the motherfucking smoke, from all the motherfucking incense and paper burning by the motherfucking bastards, making the air around me a stinking burning thick murky phlegm. I wonder if they are half brained motherfuckers with no sense of neighbourly consideration, conceived by motherfucking inbreeding.

I can feel the emptiness in me being filled with hate. And I hate that its happening so insidiously. I wish the smoke from the motherfucking house of bastards downstairs will thicken tonight as I close my drowning eyes. Perhaps I won't have to wake up to face a dark sunny day anymore.

Eclipse

Watching the skies,
the prospects of light
lay in cloudy lies.

Darkness prevails
in the waning light.
Dreary blue and grey
is all that’s in sight.

Black emerges,
as the sun is swallowed,
by a shadow that taints
what stands below.


In an incredible affirmation of how incredibly crappy my life is turning out to be, I can look forward to watching the sun disappear for a couple of hours, this very year. And just to make things clear, its even going to happen twice.

It would seem Singapore's skies will darken twice this year. First would be on the first day of the festive Chinese New Year. Whoopie. Finally something remotely interesting is going to happen on Chinese New Year. Excitement builds, kinda like watching your friend about to sit on a whoopie cushion.

I wonder what the pundits of astrology and fengshui is going to come up with for this phenomena. By the way, doesn't fengshui (wind and water) remind anyone of the rushing sounds of a toilet being flushed? And the masters of fengshui who flow in tandem with it, are very likely the turds. Ok, maybe I'm too harsh on them, lets call them dingleberries instead. Sticky crap that refuses to go away without several good wipes. At best, you might find them as useful as fungi being cultivated on your inner thighs.

This would also be a good time to convince people who piss you off, that viewing the eclipse with the naked eye is a good idea. For extra fun, you might even consider pushing the idea of a telescope.

And oh, the next one will occur in July 2009. Whoop de doo.

I can hardly contain my excitement. My life is complete. Somebody crack my skull with a hammer now. Anybody.

I'd Love To Go a-Wandering...

There is such an overwhelming urge within me to take whatever little essentials I need and the few dollars I have, and simply take the cheapest mode of transportation into the next country. The change and my final absence, would probably even be best for those I love.

I've always wanted to see the world on foot, or as much as my freakishly lazy feet will allow. I wonder, it would be nice to end my last days seeing something new every dawn. To move on from place to place alone without worry of being a worrisome stone or anything in anyone's life. I have long admired the lives of such lonesome wanderers and somehow, I feel myself being drawn to being just such an invisible and unknown shadow on this earth.

There is no true soul I can see, to whom I can truly bare my soul. Everyone sees but aspects of me. Aspects, to even those that matter to me, would have already made them wish I was someone else or just elsewhere *ha*. For only my Lord could probably bear my absurdities and despair, and perhaps I pray He will at least be the One to continue walking by my side.

Family and friends and people I love all have their roads to walk, and I'm beginning to accept these roads diverge. Once these temporal strings now holding me are gone, we will all have lives on separate roads. I wonder if I have that courage. I pray I do, and hope I will. For I wish only the best for all whose paths have came alongside mine thus far. And I pray I've only left lasting marks that would make you smile, and any other would be swept away by the sands of bastard time.

Perhaps, and it looks very soon, that my practical obligations should be settled and the road will open up for me to walk into that sunset.

Ratty Bulls

Yes, its beginning feel like last year farted a piece of turd for 2009.

While I have no utter belief in the zodiac, last year's rat year sure was ratty. And this year's bull is beginning to seem like it's going to hand me a nice big load of bullcrap as well. I can already feel the black clouds release a nice drizzle of piss.

The feeling of utter uselessness. Pointlessness. Of everything I do or say, or not say or not do. It basically leads only to throwing myself into another heap of dung.

I'm so tired, and filled with desires to meet a speeding bus head on. Though I frankly think that would only land me into yet another pile of shit.